The Bumblebee Protocol

Friday, February 4, 2011

And Now a Word from Our Sponsors

Greetings Salutations and Good Morning!
Welcome to The Bumblebee Protocol
Brought to you by the nearest Band Name Generator (Story coming soon!)

Volume I

Every time I sit down to watch a little television, I'm faced with the knowledge, that my favorite program will be unceremoniously interrupted by thirty second blips twice the volume of the actual show. Wow, that was a mouthful. While most tend to range from slight annoyances to full on headaches, there are on occasion a rare few that do not leave my brain twitching. So, in between yelling at the TV when the advertisements cycle through and reaching for the remote to push the mute button, (which I find happens more often than not lately), I've noticed a number of intriguing aspects. These observations have led me to compile a list, with the first installment following below:

Ground beef is a vegetable
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3vbzeA2Hsk)

Dogs use safety deposit boxes too.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5G7bGBUlx2M)

Not having Verizon Wireless is like being in a horror film scenario
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwOTJohWark)

A polar bear will hug you if you buy a Nissan Leaf (car)
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNeEVkhTutY)

Shop online, so you can avoid having your body literally ripped apart by another crazed shopper.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ge6teiQdeQ)

A Snuggie can be both stylish and warm while also embarrassing your family members as well as total strangers.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wddaEpiYRrg)

Beware of spiders, they have amazing strength and will toss you against the wall like you are nothing.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGkOyYwhpcE)

Hamsters drive cars while listening to rap music
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfJnqbudMzs)

Goats are excellent jazz musicians
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIKrX85pcoY)

Old Spice Guy > Ray Lewis
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLTIowBF0kE) (Old Spice Guy)
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnLN6DuHXPQ) (Ray Lewis)

There's a family of mucus hicks(hillbillies) living inside your nose
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5CAlE9nxn0)

Women have orgasms from shampooing their hair
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHNqW0wNlZw)

When my cat can't find it's litter box it's a good thing ...
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wi6Sg3AdVNo)

Guinness beer caused evolution , and yet when men drink it, it turns them back into cavemen.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1t4sdgvy-pk)

The chance to get a Klondike Bar will make you do anything. Even massage your mother-in-law's feet.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctyQ9TXLEkQ)

Eating Twix will compel you to become a human Curling stone, using the office floor as the ice
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ht4__CbT80)

Despite the fact that Godaddy.com is actually a domain hosting site one could never tell by their ads. As far as the average viewer is concerned Godaddy.com might as well be a porn site.

Even Lysacek + applesauce = Disturbing

Furniture is terrified of all cleaning products other than Pledge Multi Surface

Your home is only truly clean if you kill 99.7 % of all known germs

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Coming soon:

Volume II

Super Bowl Edition

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End Post 4

copyright 2011 / The Bumblebee Protocol / All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Survey: 2010

Greetings Salutations and Good Morning!
Welcome to The Bumblebee Protocol
Brought to you by the nearest Band Name Generator (Story coming soon!)

At the end of every year I complete a small survey to document the events in my life however boring or trivial they may be during the course of 365 days. It seems to vary year by year, even though I've only been keeping track for the past 3 years. I found the survey on MySpace so I borrowed the questions and the format of the survey. You'll see what I mean by format when you read below:

End of the Year Survey: 2010

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

I heard my Grandfather's voice for the first time in my life

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions?

I didn't make any new years' resolutions. Maybe I will this next year.

3. Did anyone close to your give birth?

Not this year.

4. Did anyone close to your die?

Yes, several people passed away this year who made an impact in my life and shaped who I am today

5. What countries did you visit?

Just the United States...unless you count all the ones I visited virtually over the internet

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

A better job than I have at the moment.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The 2010 Winter Olympic Games for many reasons: (Figure Skating, Speed Skating, Nordic Combined, Womens Cross Country Skiing, Hockey)
The Gulf Oil Spill
The Repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell
Watching Johnny Weir Perform Live

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I'd say graduating from college

9. What was your biggest failure?

I don't believe in the word failure. However the biggest obstacle I need to overcome is obtaining my driver's license.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I had my first panic attack....not fun.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Hmmm....probably the ticket for Skate for Hope.

((12. ?? 13.?? Learn t0 count people))

14. Where did most of your money go?

Basic everyday needs

15. What did you get really really really excited about?

Watching a live streaming video of a Cruxshadows concert from Germany and then interacting with all the band members after the show.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Avalanche by The Cruxshadows

Compared to last year are you:

17. Thinner or fatter?

I haven't the foggiest. I don't think there is a working scale in my house.

18. Richer or poorer?

Poorer. That was a given.

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Networking

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Procrastinating

21. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent it at home with my family while slightly sick.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?

#DirtyLove

((What happened to 23?))

24. What was your favorite TV program?

I had way to many favorites to pick just one, or even three.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Hate is not a very nice word or emotion. I don't like to hate. However there were more than a few people that got on my last nerve.

26. What was the best book you read?

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Pathfinder: Heavy Metal band from Poland

28. What did you want and get?

A Diploma

29. What did you want and not get?

A new computer

30. What was your favorite film this year?

Alice in Wonderland or Where the Wild Things Are

31. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I was 24 years old and my family went out to dinner. Oh and I got red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing. Yum ^^

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not having to deal with so much negative stress.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Casual and conformable with a flair for accessories (I think)

34. What kept you sane?

Music, mediation, and sports

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Oh good lord I have no idea. So many guilty pleasures .....

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

All issues related to Equality and the treatment of endangered wolves in North America

37. Who did you miss?

I still miss my dog :(

38. Who was the best new person you met?

As a collective group: Weirlandia and also all of the other wonderful new people I've met through Twitter and Facebook.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:

"Out of ugly I think the most important thing to do is make something beautiful." ~Johnny Weir

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"You believe but what you see. You receive but what you give."

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Universal Language

Greetings Salutations and Good Morning!
Welcome to The Bumblebee Protocol
Brought to you by the nearest Band Name Generator (Story coming soon!)

Memories from my childhood lie scattered here and there like grains of sand littering the boardwalk at the beach. As I walk the boardwalk some of those memories end up stuck inside my sandals while others resettle in between the many grooves and cracks of the wooden boards that make up my mind. Of course now is the time I have to wonder what the heck I’m even doing at the beach since I don’t even like to spend time there. Let’s just pretend I went to take some photographs, and ended up having to stop and view the scenery a little more closely.

As I lift up one of my sandals and pour the sand out I notice that these grains show details of the relationship I had with my mother when I was really little. Specifically of the effort she took to install the fundamentals of music within me as I matured. My mother has several degrees/certificates in music education as well as one in music therapy so there was always music in the house when I was growing up. I can remember lots of classical, jazz, and soft rock music, and I can even remember my mother playing her grand piano. We also had a slew of rhythm instruments that I was always eager to bang on. *wink*

When I finally achieved status as a third grader it was time for me to think about whether or not I wanted to play an instrument. It wasn’t like I had any choice in the matter however, because my mother already decided that I was going to start learning. I remember I whined and complained like a typical nine year old, but my mother held her ground and said that playing an instrument would help me with my academic achievement and learning processes. Although when she told me directly it was more like, “playing an instrument will help you do better in school.” So I was left to wonder which string instrument I wanted to start learning. Of course I wasn’t the only third grader whose parental unit had forced them into learning an instrument, as I spoke with my fellow classmates I learned that several others had to make a slimier decision. Between us all I learned most had decided on either the cello or violin with the majority picking the violin. After carefully weighing my limited options I was peer pressured into choosing the violin. You see I really didn’t feel like carrying a big heavy object around all the time, because I walked to school. And everyone else was playing the violin, so I couldn’t be the only one playing something different.

The morning of the selection I sat on a bench outside the lunchroom waiting my turn at fate. Presently my name was called, I walked into the room, and over to one of the music teachers who asked me which instrument I wanted to try. Naturally I told her violin. A few minutes later she had helped me position it on my shoulder and instructed me on the art of producing sound. Scraping the bow along the horizontal, perpendicular to the fingerboard, all I heard was this cartoonish twang. After trying several more times, and eventually smoothing out the bow stroke to a somewhat manageable sound, I was then asked if I wanted to try something a bit darker. Assuming the lady helping me meant the cello, I said yes, however, much to my surprise I was then given what looked like a slightly larger violin. When I pulled the bow over the strings I was very surprised to discover a beautiful, rich, sound that was much more pleasing to the ears. Finished, I was asked which one I liked better, I immediately pointed to the instrument I just played.

“Ahh”, the lady said, “you like the mellow sound better. “ She then scribbled on a paper, presented me with it, and said that I had chosen the viola.

Viola?? What the heck is a Viola?? I’ve never heard of a Viola??

My education about the viola started as soon as I got home that day. When I walked in the door my mother was very interested in learning what instrument I had chosen. When I told her, she was very happy for me, and began to explain as only a mother could, the role a viola plays in an orchestra. It was a different story, however, when my father came home. While he did provide support, his advice quickly turned to humor and comedy. Through my parents’ nurturing and my schoolmates’ tomfoolery I quickly learned there are quite a few pros and cons to playing the viola. Through the years the positives and negatives somehow managed to fuse together into one giant double edged sword ….with sticky rosin.

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