Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Bang Head Here

Greetings Salutations and Good Morning!
Welcome to The Bumblebee Protocol
Brought to you by the nearest Band Name Generator (Story coming soon!)


Have you ever have one of those days when everything in the entire universe decided to go wrong? During the past seven months, I've had plenty of those days. Days that made me want to scream out loud for hours on end. Days that made me want to utter nonsensical gibberish that only I could understand, in a language that was decipherable to my ears.

Days that were filled with crazy theories, gross miscalculations, government conspiracies, heat waves, snow storms, monsoons, earthquakes, stupid people in large groups, congress critters, freak injuries, random walls appearing out of nowhere, (ok, maybe that one was just me), internet spam, hypochondriacs, loud screaming children, and people who didn't know how to sing, It's enough to make you want to bang your head against the wall.




(Click twice to make it larger)

Good thing I have a Stress Reduction Kit.



Of course, when that didn't work, or when I already had a migraine from one of the irritations listed above, I needed a quick, witty, or sarcastic expression to relieve the pressure built up inside.

I am used to relying on one go to phrase for almost any situation, however, due to an influx of stress, I had find some other means to express my agitation. I found the following list on a website a long time ago, (and have since forgotten the name of said website). Apart from helping to reduce tension, they also induce laughter when used in the correct context.

Things to Say When You're Stressed:

  • "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unscrew you."
  • "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing."
  • "Well this day was a total waste of make-up."
  • "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"
  • "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
  • "Do I look like a people person?"
  • "This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting."
  • "I started out with nothing and still have most of it left."
  • "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose."
  • "Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
  • "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."
  • "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
  • "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"
  • "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable."
  • "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet."
  • "Back off!!! You're standing in my aura."
  • "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."
  • "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."
  • "Not all men are annoying . Some are dead."
  • "Wait ... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."
  • "Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done."
  • "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."
  • "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"
  • "Earth is full. Go home."
  • "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"
  • "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."
  • "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
  • "You are depriving some village of an idiot."
  • "If assholes could fly, this place would be a freaking airport."
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End Post 5



copyright 2011 / The Bumblebee Protocol / All Rights Reserved







Friday, February 4, 2011

And Now a Word from Our Sponsors

Greetings Salutations and Good Morning!
Welcome to The Bumblebee Protocol
Brought to you by the nearest Band Name Generator (Story coming soon!)

Volume I


Every time I sit down to watch a little television, I'm faced with the knowledge, that my favorite program will be unceremoniously interrupted by thirty second blips twice the volume of the actual show. Wow, that was a mouthful. While most tend to range from slight annoyances to full on headaches, there are on occasion a rare few that do not leave my brain twitching. So, in between yelling at the TV when the advertisements cycle through and reaching for the remote to push the mute button, (which I find happens more often than not lately), I've noticed a number of intriguing aspects. These observations have led me to compile a list, with the first installment following below:

Ground beef is a vegetable
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3vbzeA2Hsk)

Dogs use safety deposit boxes too.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5G7bGBUlx2M)

Not having Verizon Wireless is like being in a horror film scenario
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwOTJohWark)

A polar bear will hug you if you buy a Nissan Leaf (car)
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNeEVkhTutY)

Shop online, so you can avoid having your body literally ripped apart by another crazed shopper.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ge6teiQdeQ)

A Snuggie can be both stylish and warm while also embarrassing your family members as well as total strangers.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wddaEpiYRrg)

Beware of spiders, they have amazing strength and will toss you against the wall like you are nothing.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGkOyYwhpcE)

Hamsters drive cars while listening to rap music
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfJnqbudMzs)

Goats are excellent jazz musicians
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIKrX85pcoY)

Old Spice Guy > Ray Lewis
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLTIowBF0kE) (Old Spice Guy)
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnLN6DuHXPQ) (Ray Lewis)

There's a family of mucus hicks(hillbillies) living inside your nose
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5CAlE9nxn0)

Women have orgasms from shampooing their hair
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHNqW0wNlZw)

When my cat can't find it's litter box it's a good thing ...
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wi6Sg3AdVNo)

Guinness beer caused evolution , and yet when men drink it, it turns them back into cavemen.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1t4sdgvy-pk)

The chance to get a Klondike Bar will make you do anything. Even massage your mother-in-law's feet.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctyQ9TXLEkQ)

Eating Twix will compel you to become a human Curling stone, using the office floor as the ice
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ht4__CbT80)

Despite the fact that Godaddy.com is actually a domain hosting site one could never tell by their ads. As far as the average viewer is concerned Godaddy.com might as well be a porn site.

Even Lysacek + applesauce = Disturbing

Furniture is terrified of all cleaning products other than Pledge Multi Surface

Your home is only truly clean if you kill 99.7 % of all known germs

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Coming soon:

  • Volume II

  • Super Bowl Edition

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Leave me a message
Let me know what you thought!

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End Post 4


copyright 2011 / The Bumblebee Protocol / All Rights Reserved