Bang Head Here

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Have you ever have one of those days when everything in the entire universe decided to go wrong? During the past seven months, I've had plenty of those days. Days that made me want to scream out loud for hours on end. Days that made me want to utter nonsensical gibberish that only I could understand, in a language that was decipherable to my ears.

Days that were filled with crazy theories, gross miscalculations, government conspiracies, heat waves, snow storms, monsoons, earthquakes, stupid people in large groups, congress critters, freak injuries, random walls appearing out of nowhere, (ok, maybe that one was just me), internet spam, hypochondriacs, loud screaming children, and people who didn't know how to sing, It's enough to make you want to bang your head against the wall.

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Good thing I have a Stress Reduction Kit.

Of course, when that didn't work, or when I already had a migraine from one of the irritations listed above, I needed a quick, witty, or sarcastic expression to relieve the pressure built up inside.

I am used to relying on one go to phrase for almost any situation, however, due to an influx of stress, I had find some other means to express my agitation. I found the following list on a website a long time ago, (and have since forgotten the name of said website). Apart from helping to reduce tension, they also induce laughter when used in the correct context.

Things to Say When You're Stressed:

• "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unscrew you."

• "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing."

• "Well this day was a total waste of make-up."

• "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"

• "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."

• "Do I look like a people person?"

• "This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting."

• "I started out with nothing and still have most of it left."

• "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose."

• "Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?

• "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."

• "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."

• "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"

• "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable."

• "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet."

• "Back off!!! You're standing in my aura."

• "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."

• "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."

• "Not all men are annoying . Some are dead."

• "Wait ... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."

• "Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done."

• "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."

• "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"

• "Earth is full. Go home."

• "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"

• "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."

• "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."

• "You are depriving some village of an idiot."

• "If assholes could fly, this place would be a freaking airport."
  

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